How To Start Building A Better Relationship With Food

Figuring out how to have a healthy relationship with food can feel like navigating a maze of conflicting advice and societal pressures. Many people would like to have a better relationship with food. The overwhelming amount of online information on how, when, and what to eat can make feeding yourself feel confusing, frustrating, and sometimes even shameful.

Articles advertising “healthy nutrition tips” or ways to combat “food addiction” often contain misleading or unhelpful information. This article cuts through the online mess to share practical first steps that can help you build a better relationship with food. 

As eating disorders specialists, we emphasize things you can do to start breaking out of unwanted and distressing eating patterns. 

So you can get the most out of these strategies, we’ll cover:

• Why so many people struggle with food 
• What unhealthy relationships with eating look like
• What healthy relationships with eating look like 
• Steps you can take towards an easier, healthier, and more sustainable relationship with food

Why Do I Struggle With Food?

Cultural and social forces influence everyone’s relationship with food. Here are just three factors that frequently affect how people relate to food and their bodies:

• The advertised beauty standard – Slim, toned, and always young, the ever-changing beauty standard leaves nearly everyone of all genders coming up short; companies capitalize on this, promoting diets, quick fixes, and weight-loss products. 
• Weight stigma – Strangers, friends, family, and healthcare professionals frequently tell people in bigger bodies that they need to eat differently, often in unsustainable and restrictive ways. Clothing companies and public and private infrastructure (airplane seats, for example) can be uncomfortable or inaccessible, conveying the message that people need to change their bodies by losing weight. 
• Food insecurity – People who experienced food insecurity growing up can feel a heightened sense of urgency and anxiety around food, which can manifest in disordered eating patterns driven by a persistent fear of scarcity and deprivation.

It’s normal to feel the impact of cultural and social forces like these – everyone does. Struggling with your relationship to food does not mean that you’ve failed. It just means that you’re human and, like all humans, are sensitive to your environment and the people around you. 

What Does An Unhealthy Relationship With Food Look Like?

Here are a handful of signs that indicate that someone may be struggling with their relationship to food:

• Obsessive thinking: Constantly thinking about food, calories, or body image, often to the point of distraction. 
• Strict rules: Adhering to rigid food rules or categorizing foods as “good” or “bad.”
• Guilt and anxiety: Feeling intense guilt or anxiety after eating or when eating in social settings.
• Avoidance: Avoiding certain foods or entire food groups due to fear or negative beliefs about them.
• Disordered eating patterns: Engaging in extreme dieting or fasting, or frequently eating far past the point of fullness, even to the point of physical discomfort. 
• Ignoring hunger cues: Routinely not listening to your body’s signals of hunger or fullness.
• Using food for emotional relief: Primarily using food to cope with emotions like stress, sadness, or boredom, without other tools at your disposal. For some, this feels like “emotional eating” or a “food addiction” that temporarily provides relief but also feels out of control and upsetting.
• Relying on external tools: Depending on calorie counters, apps, or external measures to regulate eating habits, with accompanying feelings of guilt or shame if you do not follow the guidelines. 

Engaging in any of the above is understandable, especially considering that some of these things feel good in the short term. But research shows that in the long term, behaviors like food restriction can take on a life of their own and become patterns that are difficult to break.

What Does A Healthy Relationship With Food Look Like?

In a nutshell, a healthy relationship with food means stepping away from the unrealistic pressure of eating perfectly. Again, this looks different for everyone. For some, it means primarily responding to hunger and fullness cues throughout the day. For others, it means structured eating with more intentional food choices. 

Indicators of a healthy relationship with food often include:

• A balanced approach: Enjoying a variety of foods based on individual, cultural, and socioeconomic factors. 
• Listening to hunger cues: Eating when hungry and stopping when full; respecting your body’s natural signals.
• Flexible attitude: Adapting eating habits to fit your needs and circumstances without rigid rules or guilt.
• Mindful eating: Paying attention to the sensory experience of eating, savoring flavors, and eating at a comfortable pace.
• Positive self-image: Feeling generally comfortable with your body image and food choices, without excessive worry or negative self-talk, and practicing self-compassion when challenges do arise. 
• Enjoyment of food: Viewing food as a source of nourishment and pleasure, rather than stress, punishment, or guilt. 
• Emotional balance: Using healthy coping strategies for emotions instead of turning to food as a primary source of comfort.
• Social comfort: Eating in social settings without excessive anxiety or fear of judgment.

A Better Relationship With Food Sounds Great, But Where Do I Start?

There’s no one size fits all approach to building a better relationship with food because we are all unique and complex. Some people benefit tremendously from Intuitive Eating, an anti-diet, self-care framework developed in the 1990s.

But others may find Intuitive Eating more challenging or less helpful for a number of reasons, including trauma history and other chronic medical conditions that require specific diets.

Effective Steps You Can Take Right Now

Here are concrete steps to start repairing your relationship with food. Organized in sequential order, the first three steps are necessary for most people to achieve success, and the later steps build on this strong foundation. 

1. Eat three meals (plus snacks) a day – Regular eating helps break many distressing eating cycles, especially a cycle of restricting and then binging. Regular meals and snacks ensure that you are consistently nourishing your body, which reduces the likelihood of extreme hunger leading to binging.

2. Expand food choices – A balanced diet often involves expanding the types of food you eat. If you have been restricting certain foods, begin to incorporate them into your diet. Labeling foods as “bad” or “off-limits” creates a sense of deprivation, which can lead to intense cravings and a feeling of being out of control around those foods. Reduce the allure of “forbidden” items by allowing yourself to enjoy a variety of foods.

3. Develop alternative coping strategies – Gentle movement, hobbies, and connecting with others can offer emotional support as an alternative to food. Explore this after you’ve started eating regularly and expanding your food choices.

4. Curate your social media – Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about your body and follow accounts that make you feel heard and understood. If friends are posting content on Instagram that is unhelpful to you right now, you can use the “mute” function to avoid what they share without unfollowing them. 

5. Remind yourself that food is not just fuel – Cultural practices and social forces shape our relationships with food. Family traditions, social gatherings, and even socioeconomic status can influence dietary choices and eating habits. A balanced diet takes all these factors into account. Remind yourself that you have permission to eat for many reasons, not just nutrients. 

6. Practice self-compassion – Recognize that developing a healthy relationship with food is a process; it doesn’t happen overnight. Practice patience and self-compassion. You are doing hard work, and setbacks are normal.

Seeking professional help 

All important relationships — whether with friends, children, or pets — require effort, care, and attention. It’s no different with your relationship to food. And sometimes, professional guidance is necessary or can help things improve faster. If these steps are not enough or if you struggle with long-standing issues related to food and body image, consider seeking help from qualified professionals. Therapists and dietitians can offer personalized strategies to address your specific needs.

Not everyone responds to the same methods; what works for one person may not work for another. Some might benefit from an Intuitive eating approach or mindful eating and self-compassion techniques, while others might need to first concentrate on eating regularly. Professional support can help tailor strategies to your individual needs, offering a more effective approach to improving your relationship with food.